After I did this talk, last week at the Hive, I was approached by someone to ask if I could be his mentor. Which is on the face of it a nice compliment. Rather than say yes or no, I thought I’d tell him the truth about mentoring. And it went something like this:
“Thanks for asking, I’m honoured you think I have something worth sharing, but here is what I’ve learned about mentoring…
A mentor isn’t something we recruit. I can’t just be your mentor. Mentoring isn’t as one way as people think it is. In fact it’s a two way relationship, much like any teacher student relationship should be. Where both parties learn from and teach each other. It’s also less formal than we’d believe, rarely is someone asked to be a mentor, or does someone recruit someone they’d like mentor. It tends to evolve organically. Where for example two people meet or know one another, and enjoy each others company. They genuinely share the same interests in life and or business. When these factors exist, mentoring might evolve.
I then proceeded to say, you know who I am, and here’s my details, call me up for a coffee sometime and we’ll take it from there.”
The point is, we all have multiple mentors, and should be mentoring all the people we care about and respect. It’s not based on age or experience, and it’s not unidirectional. In fact, it should be a life value where we aim to help whoever we can, whenever it’s possible. And most people are human enough to share some time with anyone who puts a hand out for a chat. Personally the people I like learning from aren’t those who are not the richest or smartest, but the happiest.
I have been in situations where a) I have been involved in a youth professional development program and they have set me up with a mentor b) I have been asked to mentor in a uni program where they match mentors with mentees and c) mentors and even mentees evolved organically. A went off really well overall as there was a situation where the mentor’s advice worked well but it didn’t go beyond the confines of the program. B didn’t work out at all for the other particiants and myself. C, I think has the most potential and lasting relationships with these individuals even though I have never approached them and vice versa in the same way that you were approached – just your gut instinct telling you this…
Great post mate! I absolutely agree. The mentors in my life are without a doubt the people I spend the most time with – through work, family, friends, etc… and each of those relationships have evolved organically. Love it!
Yep, it is just my gut telling me this… along with a retrospective look on my personal experience. I really wanted to share my viewpoint because the word mentor has always had such a formal overlay in it’s use, and I wanted to break it down to reality a little.
Steve.
I agree that the word mentor as that formality associated with it. Maybe it needs a term overhaul or another word in place to describe it…
@LukeMcCormack, definitely true. Let’s not forget however that we also get mentors every time we buy a book that we find useful and refer back to from time to time. Or that useful blog, video, song, etc.
Mentors in the flesh are great however, sometimes the best mentors are those who have lived in another time from us.
Keep up the great work Steve 🙂
Another great topic Steve.
I think @Josh Moore’s comment is really interesting and reminded me of a blog that I read the other day about using virtual mentors by Jessica Mah –
http://jessicamah.com/blog/?p=1165
I think it’s really interesting Steve that you think it’s a two way relationship. I have an informal advisory board in place for my business and I’ve never actually thought too much about what they get out of the process. It really makes me think – am I really being selfish? What can I do to make that process better?
Again, I read this blog and it makes me think. I don’t think you can ask for anything more when you read something.
Thanks again.
One of the people I consider a mentor is an old school business type. He’s worked in telecommunications, owned an orchard and been a director for a range of ASX listed companies.
He tells me that he feels like he gets just as much out of mentoring me as I get out of him. He enjoys my perspective on life, my enthusiasm and determination and wants to play a role in my success.
I think the reason this works is that we’re not both working in the same industry or in the same scene, it’s far from an echo chamber. As a result we often have pretty severe differences of opinion and he always challenges my ideas. It is awesome.
I think the essence of the whole topic was well captured in last line “Personally the people I like learning from aren’t those who are not the richest or smartest, but the happiest.”
Happiness is key. When you exchange happiness you know you are in the right company.
Nice Post. Thank you